"Love Makes A Family" Blog Series: Single Mom By Choice
Celebrating the unique ways families are made and the journey of
love that brings them together
Meet Jodie and her sweet lil babe Bellami. Jodie is a “Single Mom By Choice” or SMBC. This is a term that describes women who, with great intention and care, decide to have a baby solo with the use of donor sperm. This important Q & A with Jodi helps us understand a bit more about this type of family and her journey to motherhood.
Q: To decide to have a baby solo, is, I can imagine, a momentous decision. How was it for you making that decision? Did you have support from family or friends?
A: For me I always knew I'd have to have a baby solo, I figured out in my teens that I didn't feel any kind of attraction to anyone male or female. I always thought maybe I was a late bloomer, but as I got to my very late teens I knew that it was just who I was and at a much later date I discover it had a name "Aroace" which is to have no romantic or sexual desires/attractions. I knew no matter what I wanted to be a mum and I'm pretty stubborn so knew I'd do it but it did take me another 8 years to pluck up the courage and tell my family my plans. I was unsure how they would react but was amazed that they were nothing but supportive. In hindsight I personally couldn't have done this without their support. My friends, I didn't tell until I was pregnant, but they have also all been incredibly supportive of me becoming a solo mum.
Q: Is there anything that you’d like others to be aware or sensitive of when they ask or speak about how your family grew?
A: My biggest thing is lots of people like to refer to my daughter's donor as her "dad". I'm constantly having to correct them to which they always reply, “oh it's the same thing”. For us it's not the same thing at all. My daughter's donor does not know her, he will not raise her, he will not take her to the park or tuck her in bed at night because he's not her dad, he's a stranger who donated something to help people like us have families. I'm forever grateful to him but he's not her dad.
Q: How & when do you plan on starting the discussion with your child about their creation story?
A: She's currently 13 months old and I've been talking to her about it since she was days old, I talk to her regularly about it even though she doesn't understand. It will always be known and it will never be a secret, I'm proud of her and how she came to be and I want her to be just as proud as she grows. As well as talking to her I am trying to gather a selection of books that talk about it too as she loves story time.
Q: Are there any misconceptions about SMBC that you wish could be cleared up?
A: We aren't selfish. I've seen a lot of press and trolls stating how selfish we are for robbing our children of father's. We aren't selfish, we have done tons of research and and don't go into this lightly we spend hours and hours looking for the perfect males in our lives and reach out to those to be a role model to our children. The research backs us up that our children are just as happy and emotionally stable as those being raised in stable two parent families. A child doesn't need a "mother" or a "father". They need someone to love, care, guide and fight for them and someone they can rely on. I don't know of a single solo mum by choice that isn't all of those things.
photos by Jodie Brown. www.instagram.com/bellami.and.mummy